People say the dumbest things to a woman when she’s pregnant. Like moths to a flame, pregnant women immediately become subjected to rude comments and opinions that they didn’t ask for or want.
I’m not sure why growing a child in my uterus opens me up to all kinds of wacky comments but here we are wondering why the heck someone would even say that to a person.
Would you ask me if I wasn’t pregnant how much I weighed? Or commented on what I was eating?
I’m not sure if people just have no idea what to say to a pregnant woman, but given the fact that pregnant women have been around since…well…the beginning of time I can’t imagine why these comments are acceptable.
I asked my blogging buddies about the most ridiculous thing that’s been said to them while pregnant and the responses were hilarious, sad, absolutely infuriating and some so incredibly hurtful I can’t believe it came out of someone’s mouth.
And because I don’t want to roll my eyes alone, here’s the big giant list of what not to say to a pregnant woman ever.
What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman
Most comments in pregnancy are absolutely about a woman’s size which is incredibly mind boggling. Is anyone shocked this category is the most popular in stupid things people say to pregnant women?
Whether it’s “Wow, you’ve gained so much!” or “Are you eating enough for baby?” women regardless of size are asked and are subjected to comments about their weight.
Just the other day a coworker was asking about my pregnancy and I mentioned we had a growth scan coming up to check on baby girl’s size.
Not “Oh, that’s exciting you get to see her!”
It was “Look at the size of you, she’s growing fine.”
Okay. Thanks for the reassurance person-who-is-not-a-doctor and all, but look at my size? Really? REALLY?
From strangers, family, friends, and co-workers, pregnant women often hear about their size in pregnancy. Going forward, could you not?
My husband’s grandfather said to him “You look like you’ve lost weight!” and then pointed at me and said “she found it!” And my mother in-law said to me at 6 months pregnant “Wow… how much bigger are you going to get?!”….. umm, about 3 months bigger? (And I had only gained like 15 pounds by then!)
From my mother in law: “Oh honey, you’re getting so big and it makes me worry..”.
I was six months pregnant and had a normal pregnancy and was of “normal” pregnancy size..
“Due in SIX weeks? You’re so tiny you should eat a burger HAHAHA”I had gained the recommended weight for the gestation. I’m 6ft tall and had a tiny baby!
“You’re usually so skinny, but your face has gotten so fat during all your pregnancies.” and “You’re so big. Are you sure you aren’t having twins? Maybe slow down on the food.”
I had also just lost 30 lb, so I was getting the “but you just lost all that weight” comments.
I have a thin frame and a fast metabolism, so when a lady from my church saw me in the grocery store during the end of my third trimester, she asked, with all the concern she could muster, if I was gaining enough weight. I told her yes, that I had gained what my doctor wanted to me gain (35-40 lbs). Then she said, “Oh, yes, I can see it in your face now.” …Thanks.
Someone asked my best friend if I was like octomom. I was huge and had too much amniotic fluid but that’s still uncalled for. I wasn’t 8 babies big and I only gained 10 lbs.
“You’re finally gaining weight! You must be eating!” I’ve been 115 pounds my whole life, was in my ninth month at the time, and gained 55 pounds total.
You must be an elephant! Looks like you’ve been pregnant long enough!
My favorite was “Wow! You’re just about ready to pop, aren’t you?” when I was only at 7 1/2 months.
I didn’t show until I was really far along and I went to get a spray tan at about 5.5 months pregnant and I told him I was pregnant and he said “Shut up, no you’re not, WHERE?”
I was about 6 months pregnant with my son and I was told.. hey! You look great now that you have gained a little weight!
I said yeah.. because I’m pregnant.
Needless to say the lady was a little embarrassed then announced to everyone at the party I was pregnant and that why I looked so good..
“You must be due any day now with the size of that belly?”
I won’t mention who it was, but a man in my family said to me “Wow, I forgot how much you people can eat.” Referring to pregnant women.
The dumbest thing that I kept hearing is “You don’t look like you’ve gained any weight at all.” It was the worst reminder of exactly how much weight I knew that I had gained. Even though it was a healthy amount, it still wasn’t fun to think about.
The day before I went into labor (3 days past my due date) we went to dinner. As we were walking up to the restaurant, a (not very small) man laughed and said, what have you got in there? Quadruplets? Then proceeded to laugh with his wife about it. I wish I could say I had some great comeback but I was too shocked by the rudeness to say anything.
“And your sure it’s not twins?? It’s so far away from your due date and you’ve already grown so much!” “You’re right your husband must be really tall with that big belly” AND THE WORST ONE: I was 4 weeks postpartum: “How far along are you?” (Cue me crying)
My own grandmother asked me how much weight I gained because “it looked like I gained quite a bit!” …. I was 7.5 months pregnant!
I was asked by multiple people if I was having twins because I was so big. Nope. Just had a huge baby.
I was told (by a coworker who has kids of her own) that it was painful for her to look at me because I was getting so big. That’s exactly what you want to hear when you haven’t seen your toes or had a glass of wine in months.
On my third trimester and already obviously showing, I got on the elevator with an officemate who looked at me for a second and exclaimed “Oh! You have baby!” to which I answered “Yes. Did you think I just eat a lot that’s why my stomach is getting bigger?”
About Their Family Size
I have a toddler son and when we announced we were expecting a baby girl the “Oh, now you can stop!” comments started rolling in.
Uh, I didn’t ask you?
When did a son and a daughter become the “perfect” family? Does it seriously matter whether or not one mom has four boys, another a boy and a girl, another two girls? Or more?
Whether a family planned eight kids or one, didn’t plan any of their children, started “early” or started “late,” it’s incredibly rude to insert your weird opinion on anyone’s family size.
“Again? Wow! Congrats…” We’re currently expecting our 4th.
My first daughter was unplanned and people would ask “Didn’t you take birth control?” or “Are you gonna keep it?” Wtf people are so rude!
My first daughter wasn’t exactly planned, although she was a more than welcome surprise to my boyfriend and I, a co-worker I barely knew asked me “So who is the dad?”… Our second daughter who was very much planned, many people asked if it was another mistake. Also with my second daughter when I was 3 months pregnant someone asked “How far along are you? Wow that is going to be one big baby with how you look now!!”
When I was pregnant with my youngest we were also adopting our middle daughter. People constantly assumed we were trying to adopt and just accidentally got pregnant. We got “Wow, I hear that happens ALL THE TIME! You start the adoption process and boom! You are pregnant!” In reality this is like such a rare thing for infertile couples. I then would go into the fact that we were pregnant with our daughter and asked to adopt our friends baby when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. We now have two daughters 5 months apart.
While checking out at the grocery store with my 2 boys, the cashier asked if we knew what we were having and I told her it’s a girl. She said “Well good, now you can be done.” Uh, thanks?
With my 4th, the most common response I got was, “you know whay causes that, right?” Or, “I hope you shut that baby factory down after he’s born.” Apparently having big families now a days are frowned upon.
We don’t have any fertility problems, but decided to adopt. Five months after we adopted our son we found ourselves pregnant. I had one lady say “So exciting, thank god you are finally having one of your own.”
Then once we found out it was a girl I’ve had countless people tell me that we shouldn’t have any more since one of each is the “perfect” family.
I didn’t find out what my baby was with either of my boys, but when I was pregnant with my second, people would ask “Will you try for a girl if it’s another boy?” I would always think let me have this one first!!
About How Babies Get Here (News Flash: We know)
Yes, we know how babies get here. Do you want to talk about it in detail or can you instead just say “Congratulations” and move on?
Another news flash: Babies actually get here in a couple different ways so keep your comments to yourself. You don’t know a person’s situation and these comments are incredibly rude.
“You guys didn’t use a condom?” I got this a LOT!
On my third pregnancy I got asked “Don’t you guys know what causes this by now?” By various people but mostly my uncle who thought he was hilarious!
I had my son in June, that September I found myself pregnant again (birth control mini pill didn’t work.) I got the comment, “you know how that happens, right?”
“Pregnant again? You do know what causes that, don’t you?”
A waitress asked me if it was my first child when I was about 7 months pregnant. I said no this is my third.
She said “WOAH! How old were you when you started THAT!”
I was too shocked.
I have two boys. People always tell me I need to try for a girl. Well, except those that know my youngest… they usually agree that we should stop there.
My kids are 7 years apart and I have had people ask me if they have the same dad…
Oh The Touching…
Stop. Touching. My. Lunch.
This has happened a handful of times in both pregnancies and it always throws me for a loop. No one touches my belly when I’m not pregnant, but suddenly pregnancy opens up some weird body touching free for all for family and strangers. Stop it.
A few ways a pregnant woman can handle this situation:
- Touch the groper’s belly too. When they act all confused you say “Oh, I thought we were just testing personal boundaries.”
- Thank them for touching your lunch because seriously baby is MUCH LOWER. Since they have no idea what’s acceptable, make sure they know to not move their hand any lower.
- Tell them to stop touching you, no matter how “mean” it may seem. If you don’t like it, it’s your body. My body, my rules.
A coworker: “Have you felt the baby move yet?” (gropes my belly)
“No, I’m only like 15 weeks.”
(moved her hand WAY DOWN to practically my pubic area) “That’s ridiculous, I could feel my kids that early.”
So I had one “friend” who would come up behind me, prom style and shake my belly and yell shaken baby….. it took everything in my not to punch her.
I was always a naturally skinny person, and when I was pregnant I showed all in the belly from the side and front. I was about 8 months pregnant, I was walking through a store with my mom already feeling self conscious. A woman was walking past the aisle I was in with my back to her. But when I turned to the side this woman, who I did not know, did a double take and walked back several steps to gawk at me. Then she loudly goes “Whoa! We didn’t see that coming now, did we?” Then walks right up and pats my stomach. I was humiliated, turned bright red and wanted to break her arm. She didn’t say anything else just awkwardly walked off.
I was told, “Isn’t it supposed to be hard?” When I was in my first trimester and someone asked to feel my belly.
What The Heck Did You Just Say?
And then there’s the category that leaves us all scratching our heads, turning our heads to the side like confused puppies, and leaves us with no other response than “What the heck did you just say?”
“Are you sure you’re having a boy?” Yes someone actually asked me if I saw the penis on the ultrasound. Um. Wow. Yes let’s discuss my child’s gentalia.
“My back hurts just looking at you!”
So at my office we have one of those big water coolers. Usually I’m the one that changes it because I’m the only one under the age of 60 in my office. When I was 4 or 5 months pregnant I wasn’t able to lift them anymore. Those bottles weighed over 50lbs. So I asked my boss if she could change it and she did. My coworker was like “oh be careful!” And I explained I couldn’t do it anymore. Not just because of the weight but the awkward shape of it. No handles or anything. And she had the audacity of saying “oh so is that how it’s going to be for the next 5 months?” YES. YES IT IS, LADY. SHUT UP, YOU DON’T EVEN DRINK THE DAMN WATER.
I had things said about my goal to have a natural birth. “I hope you like pain.” “Are you crazy?” Stuff like that.
…Some lady argued with me for about 15 minutes about how she *knew* I was having twins and that I needed to tell the doctor to look for a hiding baby!
I was working and my client said, “We know what you’ve been doing.”
So I told this lady we were having a boy because she asked her response “I’m so sorry” my husband: “Why are you sorry?” Her “Well, I always wanted a girl so that sucks.” Hubby: “Yeah we always wanted a boy, sooo…” Me: :Eye Roll:
My husband and I were only together (dating) a few months when I got pregnant, so I got a few “are you going to stay with him?” comments, plus the notorious “are you getting married?” comments. Now we are married because we made that decision separately from being pregnant.
I sat in a restaurant booth with the menu propped in my lap. The waitress approached and said “hi….my name is Susie I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I get y’all a beer or cocktail to start your dinner? WHOA! No alcohol for you! With those boobs….You MUST must be pregnant!”
I was in a store and someone asked what I was having, I said “A baby, haha, we aren’t finding out the sex until it’s born.” The lady told me that was stupid and then demanded that I turn around for her so she could decide what she thought it was. Then she told me it was DEFINITELY a boy. A few months later our daughter was born, haha!
Wow, you have a monster in the oven!
I remember people telling me how terrible and tired I looked. I would often hear “Oh you look so terrible and tired. It must be a girl – they steal their mom’s beauty” Thanks people. I had a boy…
My absolute “favorite” is when you’re all the way at the end and you meet people in the street and their terribly original remark is, “Wow, you’re still around?” No, you’re just imagining that you’re talking to me, I’m actually in the hospital holding my baby right now!
Or another gem: “You’re due already? Wow, your pregnancy went by so fast!”
Yeah. Maybe for you. Personally, I felt every minute of it. Why? Oh yeah BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT.
I was 7 months pregnant and ran into a client at work “You weren’t pregnant last month when I saw you! What happened.”
When I told my boss that we were expecting: “Are you serious?!” “Was it on purpose?” Yes, and none of your business.
“Rebecca, you had PREGNANT BRAIN!” when all I did was misspell a name. Suddenly all my mistakes were blamed on baby and it annoyed the crap out of me.
Why would you carry a baby that is as good as dead?
Now that we’re wanting our fourth, I hear, “why would you ruin the other three’s lives by adding more responsibility to your own.”
I have gotten the “Are you sure it’s not twins?” comment with both previous pregnancies. You know, because that’s really what you want to hear when you already feel like an effing whale! Or, better yet, you’re only, like, halfway through your pregnancy!
With this one, one of my mother in-law’s first questions was, “Were you surprised?” Kind of threw me off, but I didn’t really think about it until a few days later. Then I was like, “That’s kind of a really personal question!” Perhaps I should have gone into detail about her son and my sexual encounters. That wouldn’t be awkward at all, right?
“Oh, you like a good poke in the fire.”
And The Unsolicited (And Probably WRONG) Advice
You didn’t think I forgot about the unwanted, outdated and just plain weird advice, did you?
Pregnant women have wonderful doctors who can give us all the advice that we need. Unless explicitly asked, it’s best to refrain from giving advice.
A stranger told me that “The trick to having an easy delivery is to keep everything ‘loose’ and do absolutely no exercise, not even vacuuming, and then the baby will just slide right out.”
I was in the gym doing squats with no weight…. “You really shouldn’t be doing that. Do you want to hurt your baby?”
I was at the grocery store and the cashier asked me how far along I was. I told her 38 weeks and she looked at me with disgust and said “You should have someone else do your shopping for you, what if your water breaks right here in the store?!”
“You’re not supposed to eat ::insert delicious food here:: are you?” While I’m eating said delicious food.
Are you going to have an epidural? (None of your damn business. And YES!)
A saleswoman in a store lectured me about how dangerous it was for me to shop alone when I’m clearly very close to my due date. I was 26 weeks.
I was running while pregnant with my oldest, and got told I needed to stop because I was going to cause shaken baby syndrome and permanently damage her brain. Said baby is now entering kindergarten a year early in a special program for gifted children…
I was told by my MIL that I shouldn’t lift my arms over my head while pregnant because I’d wrap the cord around my baby’s neck and cause intrauterine death.
So I had started showing pretty early in my pregnancy. I actually found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks! Everything about it was just in high gear…I started showing at 6 weeks and literally started wobbling at around 3 months. One day we were at the beach and I was around 5 months, this woman comes out of her house and says “Have you heard of exercise??? Try it twice a day, there’s no way you should be wobbling like that. Twice a day just exercise twice a day and the fat will melt right off.” Ma’am “I’m 5 months pregnant.” Her response “Ohhh that’s unfortunate that’s going to be a big baby , that child may have to go to fat camp as they get older.”
1. Are you carrying twins?
2. Don’t eat papaya or you will have a miscarriage
3. Don’t head out in the night, the baby will otherwise not sleep at night after birth.. ( Wish I heard this one)
I was checking out at a grocery store and this women says, “oh my, you look like your going to have that baby any minute. Are you sure you shouldn’t be home in bed?”
Seriously, people say a lot of dumb things to pregnant women.
Between the touching and the weight comments, there’s one thing we all can agree on: just tell a woman she looks beautiful, congratulate her on her pregnancy, and don’t touch her.
What was the dumbest thing someone’s said to you while pregnant? What would you add to my list of what not to say to a pregnant woman?
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