My son is nearly 18 months old and finding some me time has been a struggle for, oh, 18 months. Between working full time, being a mom, caring for the house, and being a wife, I often forget about me and doing things I enjoy.
Sometimes I even forget that I enjoy things.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on auto-pilot. Just going through the motions from sun up to sun down.
This past week I hurt my ankle in what turned out to be tendinitis in my Achilles. Bummed I hurt my ankle, but it meant to take a break and cool out.
Doctor’s orders.
Being able to hang out on Sunday and just watch football was great. My marriage didn’t suffer because I laid down with ice on my ankle and watched some TV. My son didn’t know any different as he “read” books to himself or took a two and a half hour nap.
The chores may have suffered, but that’s okay.
Finding the balance between motherhood, marriage, and myself has to be the biggest struggle I’m still dealing with. Finding some me time every day, hell, every week is hard.
What’s Not Considered Me Time
I am 10000% guilty of calling the following “me time.”
- Folding Laundry
- Actually, ANY chore
- Taking a shower
- Peeing with the door closed
I know you’re guilty of these, too.
I sometimes feel forced to call these things “Me Time” as it’s the only time I get alone during the day. Between work and home, a shower might be the only time I get to myself. Having a kid that barely sleeps, I go to bed really early just so I can get some rest before his first, second, millionth wake-up.
I’m also guilty of calling chores, specifically folding laundry, “me time.” I mean, I’m multi-tasking, right? Getting chores done and being alone with my thoughts. That’s, what, ten minutes of me time! Every day!
No, it’s chore time.
How I Am Currently Finding Me Time In My Day
During the week
At work, I am taking my lunch break nearly every single day. I either take this time to walk (before tendinitis ruined that) or blog.
I blog for me. And for you, but really I blog for me. I enjoy blogging and connecting with my readers and other bloggers I’ve found.
The end.
No, really, that’s it.
From the moment I get up, I am mom while trying to get ready for work. Maybe you can call my time on the Metro “me time,” but it’s not. I’m thinking about what needs to be done at work. When I’m on my way home, I am thinking about how to fit everything in at home.
When I get home, I am immediately thrown into being a mom, cleaning, and getting ready for bed. Thankfully, my husband does 99.9% of the cooking so I am able to enjoy that time with Ri before the mad dash to eat dinner and get ready for bed.
Finding some me time is a struggle every single day.
On weekends
On the weekend, I sit back and enjoy my coffee while Ri plays with his toys if John is still sleeping. I wish every morning could be like this because it’s a fantastic way to start the day. My son may request I play with him, and I will, but I start off sitting down and letting him play with his toys without me.
What I Need To Start Doing
I really need to start finding some me time during the week and a little on the weekends. Before Ri was born, I would knit or do some kind of craft often. I’d bake a bit more. I would get to the salon more often. I’d read a book!
I want to get back into reading. In the spring, I started the Game of Thrones series during my commute but stopped for some reason. I was really into it, but I guess life sort of took over and I stopped reading.
I really need to get back into crafts. Ri is still a bit young for crafts with me, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get to do any. I have a big project of making pillows for the couches that I still haven’t done. I bought the fabric and materials over the summer so they would match our new couch covers. Have I put the pillows together? No.
It’s just taking up a lot of space in our living room when I really need to just set time for myself and do it. This isn’t a chore to me because I enjoy sewing and creating things for the home.
I need to just tell John that I am taking “me time.” Not ask. Not hint that I need some. Just straight tell him I am doing something for myself. He bought me a wonderful gift for a massage at one of the most expensive places in DC for my birthday last November. The gift card is sitting in my dresser.
If that doesn’t say how much time I don’t take for myself, I don’t know what does.
Free play won’t hurt Rion or his development. In fact, it’s good for him and what he needs! I don’t need to rely on the TV to get some time to myself. He has plenty of toys and books that entertain him for a solid amount of time. It’s not all day, maybe 30-60 minutes, and everyone is happier because of it.
Once my ankle heals, I need to start going to the gym. Whether this is when Ri goes to bed or I wake up a little earlier while John is getting ready, I need to fit some gym time in for myself. I have stalled, and taking a few hours each week to focus on exercise and fitness will be good for me and the family. Taking my lunch walk is nice, but it’s not enough at this point.
I applied for another NASA Social. I had a blast at the first one I went to, and decided I should possibly make a thing of it. It’s something that just I can do. You can read about my first #NASASocial experience here.
The hardest part to making this succeed for me is sleep. We’re knee deep in a bad sleep pattern and I can’t seem to find our way out. We have a good night, and suddenly a string of hourly wake-ups. Once I figure this out, which could very well be never, then maybe I will feel better finding some me time.
How You Can Add Me Time To Your Routine Today
The biggest question is fitting all the things in a day a mom is supposed to do in one 24 hour period.
Here are a few starting points to adding in some “me time”:
- Get rid of your guilt if something doesn’t get done if you choose to do something for you instead
- Schedule errands, chores, and down time
- Let your child have free play time
Small list, but effective for finding some me time.
Getting rid of your “mom guilt” is step one for getting in some much needed me time. You don’t have to go to sleep with a messy house, but if you put off cleaning the toy room until the next morning so you can relax in a bath with your favorite magazine you will be a much better parent, spouse, and employee because of it. You deserve time too!
If figuring it all out is getting too tough, make a schedule of when errands, chores, and down time should occur. Scheduling can be such a time saver! You can add delegates to your list to make sure the house is running smoothly and you can have time to catch up lounge on the couch with the TV show you haven’t caught up on in months.
I always look forward to my Saturday morning coffee. It’s a great way to start the day – just me, my cup, and the sound of whatever Rion is playing with.
Finding Your Balance
Every day is a new day, and every day is a day to start over and make changes.
As a working mom, balancing me, my son, my husband, and the home is a daily struggle that I strive to perfect each and every day. It’s important to take care of me and I often let “me” slip to last place in the race for my attention. I want to show Rion that I take a great interest in my own hobbies and my health so he can do that as well.
I need to be the best mom I can be for me and my family.
Are you struggling with finding some me time? How are you making time for yourself in your busy day-to-day life?
So true Ashley! I couldn’t agree more! I used to feel guilty when I wanted any time for myself, but I have learned over the years that I am a better wife and mother when I do have that “me time.” I workout for 30 minutes a day, I have my morning quiet time, and I read every single day. My kids know that it is important to me and they have learned to respect my time. When my cup is full, I can pour out to others. I’m sharing this on my page 🙂
That’s so awesome that you’re able to get in all that “me time!” I really need to take a page from your book and do it for myself.
-Ashley
I love this post! I do not have a child as yet, but since I started blogging all my time seems to be divided into blogging, cleaning up the house, working and taking care of my partner. This is a shocker to me, because I was so used to being able to spend a few hours a week doing what I wanted (which is usually to read blogs or watch vlogs). I haven’t been able to do that for months now! I will be using some of your tips above to find a better balance. Thanks .
Everyone needs balance. I hope you are able to find some more “me time” in your busy day 🙂
-Ashley
As a mom of four boys, I still struggle with finding “me” time. I need to quit being a doormat to my family and just cave and do it, without the guilt. Great post!
Thank you!
I bet four boys take up A LOT of your time. Even if you can steal ten minutes to meditate or have uninterrupted coffee, you’re moving in the right direction.
-Ashley
Great post. We forget to take me time but if we don’t take time for ourselves how can we give a 100% in our lives. Great reminder!
Thank you! We give so much to others and forget to give to ourselves!
-Ashley
You are so right-we are all guilty of calling “chores” our Me Time, and it isn’t fair. It’s important to mental health to break away and focus on yourself sometimes
I hope you’re able to break away and get some “me time” that isn’t a chore!
-Ashley
My oldest son is about the same age as your son, he is 19 months. I am very guilty as well and have no me time. I hope you get to squeeze some in as I will try as well. Hope your ankle heels soon!!
Thank you! I hope you’re able to find some time for yourself, too. 🙂
-Ashley
Hahaha oh my gosh I fold laundry as ME TIME too! And then I feel burned out afterwards because folding laundry is no joke!
ME TOO! How is there so much of it?
-Ashley
I am seriously the worst at this. I need to get better ASAP. I am always thinking, “If I just do this one extra thing, I’ll have some time tomorrow.” But it never happens!
Start small! Everyone starts somewhere. Take ten minutes to do something for YOU today. 🙂
-Ashley
love this read!!! I always feel I have to get it all done…I end up staying up until almost midnight and waking up at 5 to read my bible and get things done before kids wake up. It can be exhausting
Love this: peeing with the door closed doesn’t count as me time. Ha! My husband sends me to get him junk food after the kids are in bed supposedly so I can get some me time. I don’t know about that, either …
Yay for getting back into reading!
I agree–so important to take time to recharge and collect your thoughts. Don’t worry, it will get easier eventually! Now I’m in the stage where my kids can fairly well entertain themselves (even though I am actually with them all day for homeschool.) But even though they can self-entertain, now all my down time is spent between running them to 45.886 activities every single day—aka I read in the car!
I think every stage of parenthood presents itself with new challenges! Thank you for your comment!
-Ashley
I totally understand where you’re coming from in this post! I got so caught up in my everyday routine that I started to completely neglect my “Me Time”. Now I have to schedule my “Me Time” activities just to make sure it actually happens. I set aside time for a spa visit, yoga, reading/writing, etc.
I hate having to schedule things, but it seems for right now it’s the only way! Thank you for your comment!
-Ashley
Very interesting post. It’s just communication. Our spouses/partners/baby parents need time too. Break down in communication means maybe a literal breakdown.
Communication is definitely a big part of it, but I think letting go of any guilt or worry is a bigger part of it for moms.
-Ashley
I would agree that the mindset is the key to “me time”. As you explained getting rid of the guilt. A few years ago, during me time, all I would do is think of the kids and feel guilty. I would worry about my hubby and if he could handle the kids by himself. It made time alone, just alone and overwhelming. Once I changed my thinking, me time became more productive.
This was an excellent post and spot on to the truth.
I am so glad you were able to get through the guilt and start doing things for YOU!
-Ashley
Balance is definitely a hard thing to find as a mom. I often consider a shower “me time” too. It does get easier as they get older, though. My “babies” are now 4, and my oldest is 6, so they can entertain themselves a little bit…until someone hurts each other or steals a toy. I do make it a point to get to the gym at least 3 times a week, and it feels awesome. They have childcare there, so I can bring them, which really helps out too.
That’s awesome that your gym has childcare! Mine does too now and it makes doing something for myself a lot easier.
-Ashley
It is hard to find me time, and even harder to find quality long time me time heh. Great ideas here. My blog is my me time time, and I also do it on my lunch break.
My blog counts as my me time too! I love doing it. I am big on lunch breaks. It’s important to get away from your desk for awhile.
-Ashley
Great post and so agree that finding me time is so important. Even though my kids are grown now, I find taking time away from your blog is necessary, we are never too old to need some me time.
Thank you for your comment! I think everyone could step back to make sure they are getting in some time for themselves.
-Ashley
Ashley, my husband and I were just talking about ‘me time’ for both of us the other night so it’s funny that I came across your post. You are so right and I love your tips. Ever since we had our son, Atlas, the days just seem so filled up. He is three now and I can tell you that it get’s better. The older he gets the more independent he gets and frees up a little more time to myself to work on my blog, watch some tv, or work on a house project. Thanks for the reminder that me time is important and you should definitely start reading during your commute again!
I will start reading on the commute! You give me hope for some future “me time.” I LOVE your son’s name!
-Ashley
Oh my gosh, its like you just took a look at my life!! I usually let the laundry pile up and then do it when I watch TV a couple times a week – that’s my downtime. In my lunch break I walk to the supermarket and pick up the groceries – I also consider this to be my “me-time” and “exercise” then I do my blog, which is my “me-time” and occasionally read a few pages of a book (although doing this less and less often).
I always feel great after I blog so I get up early and have half an hour or so (If I’m lucky and my boy doesn’t get up early!!) to myself before the kids get up. I find it makes me a much nicer person for the day ahead 🙂
I love waking up before everyone else, too! It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I take advantage.
-Ashley
Really fin ding me time has been the hardest ever since I became a mom. The only me time I get is when abby is asleep in the afternoon or days she goes to sleep early at night.
I really need to incorporate me times into my system I suppose
Other moms keep telling me it gets easier the older they get, so there is hope! “Me time” is coming your way soon!
-Ashley
Great post! Mommy me time is so important for all moms. I know it seems hard to do but you’ll run yourself ragged if you don’t.
So true! We need to find the time to fit it in. Thank you for your comment!
-Ashley
Great post that we all struggle with as mom’s. I have started to get a little better with having some “me” time every week to get out the house alone without the kiddos. However, during the week I still need to look for those times to give myself during the weekdays. Many times it is centered around blogging. LOL.
My “me time” is blogging a lot these days too. I enjoy it and it doesn’t feel like a chore 🙂
-Ashley
I really resonated with this post! I stay home and do 99% of the cooking but so much of this was the exact. My son having sleep issues, the auto-pilot, calling baths me-time…. well I do read for 5 minutes before starting so maybe it is. But yes, I have gone thru a lot of this. This even gave me the idea to blog about mommy guilt because it is real! Thank you for being honest. I will be retweeting… I found this post via twitter 🙂
The mom guilt is real! Let me know when your blog post is up!
-Ashley
Wow, time flies! Ashley, I did not even guess it had been this long, but I never forgot this post. I did finally write a post about mommy guilt and if you are still interested I’d love your feedback. You need to get this post circling again because it’s so good 🙂 Thanks! http://rosebarnett.com/eliminate-mommy-guilt/
This is so important! I am totally guilty of counting shower time as my ‘me’ time! This has inspired me to stop that thinking!
I’m glad! I hope you’re able to fit in REAL me time today 🙂
-Ashley
Oh yes, I struggle with this too! It’s a great reminder that even though we are moms we still are still individuals and need to take the time for ourselves!
Absolutely! Hopefully you’re able to get in some “me time” today!
-Ashley
Great post! It is all too important to find “me time” as a mother.
Thank you for your comment!
-Ashley
It’s so easy to put time for ourselves on the back burner or to call chores you can do alone “me time” – I know I do both of these regularly! Your post is great and I really appreciate your tips on working in time for yourself!
Thank you for your comment!
-Ashley
This is so me! I think if I had a couple hours to myself and I couldn’t work or blog I would probably deep clean my kitchen. Haha since my little guy was born “me time” has exited my vocabulary. Definitely something I need to work on!
I hope you’re able to fit in some real “me time” soon!
-Ashley
Glad to know I am not the only one, we have to remind ourselves that by filling up our own cup, we can fill the cups of others!
This is SO true!
-Ashley
Great advice. I think the difficult part to me about finding “me time” is accepting that it’s okay to let my little boy play by himself while I do something else. I feel so guilty doing this on weekends bc I already spent all week at work. 🙁
Ah, working mom guilt! This is why I stay up so late on week nights to get in my me time.
-Ashley
Great post. I’ve recently started re-watching Friends on Netflix every night. This is totally “me” time and I don’t do anything else while I’m doing that. It’s been so relaxing to actually do something for me, instead of working late into the night.
That’s awesome! Keep doing that “me time” even after you finish season 10!
This was a great post Ashley. As mom’s it’s so hard to find balance and to not feel guilty for taking time to yourself. It’s so important to have me time, to unwind and gather your own thoughts sometimes.
Thank you 🙂
Great post that I am definitely guilty of! Especially calling a shower me time! That’s pretty ridiculous! LOL I have been starting to carve out some time during his naps to relax and watch my favorite show rather than always catching up on blogging. Also, on weekends I’ve been trying to make it a point to do an hour or two out with a friend or my hubby!
I’m glad you’re making it a point to do something fun for you!
This gets somewhat easier as your kids get older and you don’t have to have your eyes on them 100% of the time. I’m always a proponent of hiring a babysitter also to get a little me time! Happy mama-happy family!
A babysitter always helps!
Guilty! I think all of us moms are doing most of these. Its funny how we tell ourselves that going to the bathroom with the door shut is our “me time”. Thanks for the reminder!
I hope you’re able to get some real time to yourself soon!
It took me landing in therapy 1 year into my second child’s life to realize I had to make “me time” a priority. I was literally going to fall apart if I didn’t get help with the kids. I’d been trying to muscle through, thinking there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t do it all by myself (no family support). I finally hired a part time babysitter and that has made a HUGE difference in my life.
I am so glad you took care of yourself. It’s so important for you and for your family.
This is great! I used to be guilty of counting folding laundry and taking a shower as ‘me’ time, too. I was finally forced to come to the same conclusion as you: it’s okay for me not to entertain my son 100% of the time. He can play on his own for a while, so I can sit back and drink a hot cup of coffee and read a book.
I am glad you came to that conclusion. It’s better for everyone!
It’s hard not to feel guilty take “me time” as a new mama, but it makes a huge difference in your attitude – even if it only comes in spurts. Being a mom to young kids can be so isolating, but as the kiddos get older, it gets easier. I am now a mom of three, and I’m once again in a place where I don’t get much me time. I try to get up before the kids wake up each morning or sit on the porch with a book or my computer after school while they play outside. I think we get caught up in this idea that we have to constantly be entertaining our kids. Sometimes just being in the same room is enough.
It’s so true about being in the same room!
This is so important. Too often moms (and other people for that matter) forget to take care of themselves and give themselves time. Glad you have found a way to do it that works for you.
It’s a much needed reminder for a lot of people to take care of themselves!
Sometimes it can be hard to get rid of the mom guilt. But I remind myself that even Jesus needed to get away from people and spend some time by himself.
Here are some ways that I try to refresh and recharge at home, while not necessarily “me time” they do help things to go a lot smoother:
http://survivingtoddlerhood.com/2015/12/14/dear-tired-toddler-mom/
Thank you for your comment.
I too have a really hard time carving out time for myself. It’s a struggle, but definitely worth the effort for your wellbeing.
So true. It’s a good time to make plans to find some time for yourself in the new year.