Becoming a More Patient Mom To My Toddler

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Becoming a more patient mom to my toddler, parenting, parenting toddlers, toddler mom, how to parent toddlers, how to be a more calm parent

 

My son is now sixteen months old and he is starting to test his boundaries with us.  I knew parenting was hard and I know this toddler phase will only get harder as he grows and learns to talk more.  I am taking the steps now while he’s still a bit young to become a more patient mom.

Becoming a more patient mom to my toddler will be beneficial for both of us, really. For starters, he’ll see me as calm and hopefully will learn to talk through his issues at an early age.  That’s a pipe dream I realize, but a girl can dream for now.  In reality, it’s more training for me to learn to deal with his tantrums in a calm and constructive manner. Some days, especially with working and not sleeping much, I can sense that I am impatient with him.  That isn’t a side of me I like for him to see.  I don’t want to be short with him and  I don’t want to scare him.  I really do want to work every day on being the best mom I can be.

There will be bad days.  Becoming a more patient mom to my toddler isn’t going to be an overnight success. We all have bad days as parents.  To say I’m going to be 100% the most patient mom will be a lie.  I will get loud.  I won’t be using an inside voice.  There will be days where I go to bed upset and wish I could have changed everything I said or did. There will be days my son will be mad at me for whatever reason.  I hope I can somehow train myself into having my first reaction come from a place of patience and understanding that he’s a toddler pushing boundaries.

I’d like to decrease my reactions and create more positive reactions in becoming a more patient mom to my toddler.
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Here are four simple steps you can work on today to help you become a more patient parent to your toddler.

Four Steps To Becoming a More Patient Mom to My Toddler

Step One: Take A Deep Breath

My first step will be to take a deep breath and count to five.  This is ripped from Daniel Tiger and I’m not ashamed that a preschool show taught me something.

“When you feel so mad that you want to roar take a deep breath and count to four.”

That’s honest advice I can get behind.  Besides the counting to four.  I’ll give myself the extra second to become calmer and address the situation at hand.  This is also fantastic advice for a young child.  He or she will not overreact if they are able to take a deep breath, count, and calm themselves.

Step Two: Empathy

Learning empathy with toddlers is pretty important.  Right now, I may not understand what’s the big deal with having my food touch or why he can’t wear red socks today, but recognizing his feelings and validating his emotions is really important when dealing with children.  Even though he barely understands me, I have begun saying to him that I understand he is upset at the situation and ask him what we can do to fix it. I plan to look my son in the eye as we are having these hard conversations.  I feel this will let him know I am here for him and he will want to tell me his feelings.

Step Three: Avoid Getting Loud 

In addition to taking a deep breath, I am really working on the way I sound when Rion is upset and throwing a tantrum.

I used to immediately jump to a very annoyed voice and got a bit squeaky with him.  That didn’t help anything and honestly made me feel worse.  I lower my voice after I take my deep breath and I am able to avoid yelling or getting squeaky.

This step is really important in becoming a more patient mom to my toddler. Loud voices aren’t going to help the situation get better.

Step Four: Recognize My Toddler’s Body Language

When he becomes upset, I need to recognize his body language and give him an outlet for that tension.  Maybe it’s a pillow to let out some aggression, maybe it’s some quiet time away from us, or maybe it’s a hug from mom or dad.

Currently, because there is a language and understanding barrier, when Rion is upset the first thing out of my mouth is “I recognize you’re upset, how can I help you?” It’s become common place for me lately.  In addition to asking how I can help my son through his tantrum, I also pick him up and give him a big hug and once again letting him know that we can talk about his feelings.  I hope through practicing now when he’s really throwing a terrible two or threenager tantrum I can address the situation as calmly as possible.

Of course I have a few things I want to work on, too.  I want to take a time out for myself if I can see myself going too far into the red.  This is for me to recognize the tone of my voice and my own body language.  I also need to take more time for myself to do the things I enjoy.  I focus so much on work, being a mom, and being a wife that I never focus on being Ashley.  Working on this will make me a better mom, a better wife, and a better me.

Give yourself grace.

I want to be patient because I want Rion to learn patience.  In the future, I want him to address situations as his parents would from a loving, calm, and empathetic place.   I am practicing on becoming more patient now with him so in the future I can react exactly as I wish to.

At the end of the day, even on my worst days, I know chocolate is hidden in the house for me once Rion goes to bed.  Chocolate may not fix everything, but it helps in the moment.

How do you deal with your child’s tantrums and emotions? How are you becoming a more patient mom to your kids?

Ashley

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Becoming a more patient mom with my toddler, parenting, parenting toddlers, toddler mom, how to parent toddlers, how to be a more calm parent

38 thoughts on “Becoming a More Patient Mom To My Toddler”

  1. Very happy for you Ashley. Good that you are trying to handle his tantrums in the best possible way.
    My kids being twins, I have to handle tantrums and fights almost all through the day. Either one of them will start and when he is about to settle the other one will start. I will start my mornings with lot of patience dealing their tantrums calmly. But as the day passes by I will be in the peak of madness and often lose my cool. Of course I feel bad after that thinking how I could have handled it better. But it happens.
    Whenever they flare-up, I try to explain them calmly, sit with them and talk what could be done, what other choices they have. Basically if possible (though I couldn’t do it all the time) I leave whatever work I am doing and interact with them until they are calmed down. I think our presence makes them to cool down bit faster rather than instructing them while continuing our work. We also tend to lose our patience very soon if we r in the midst of some work and the kid’s anger will also be fueled up with the thought that he is not properly responded.

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      Thank you for the comment. I think we all as parents have moments we wish to take back. I know there will be times where I cannot calm down. I am only in the beginning of this toddler and parenting thing. You’re doing a great job, mama!

  2. I usually try to distract my daughter with something. Most of the time something silly. She calms down and then we talk about why she was upset

  3. I have 4 kids …My boys are 18 & 13 and my girls are 9 & 3…Let’s just say I pray allot Ha.. Especially with my oldest and youngest it can get interesting but learned to pause and walk away for a bit because that is when things can get crazy , but regardless I make sure to remember I love this madness and I love it because one thing I’ve learned is they grow WAY too fast so I’ll take deep breathes and deal because before I know it.. it will only be my Husband and I at home

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      Oh wow – you need patience across the board with your children! I’m glad you were able to find how to remain calm until hubby gets home 🙂

      -Ashley

    2. I understand how you feel. I used to think I was the most patient person I know until I had my babies. They are in their teens now and I still pray everyday for patience lol. But all in all, I’m so blessed. It could be a bit hard in the beginning but eventually the kids settle in to a routine- things don’t always fall into place everyday- but having a routine helps. You should also make time for yourself. Pls ask family members for help and take time off for yourself to renew and rejuvenate. You can’t give what you don’t have.

  4. When mine are upset, I give them “calming bottles” that they can watch to calm themselves. When the glitter settles at the bottom of the bottle, they can get out of their chair, pillow, etc. to come talk to me about their issue. It’s made a difference with me!

  5. AHHH I pray for patience every single night! It is so hard…I have two babies under 2, and they pay off one another. One cries..the other cries. It is so hard to keep calm and not let it get to me.

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      You are definitely in the thick of things with 2 under 2! I hope you are able to find your inner peace.

      -Ashley

  6. Thanks for the tips! I have an almost-two-year-old and a one-month-old at home, and I feel like I have to reset the clock on my patience with my toddler now that I have a baby to take care of too. I try to involve my toddler in taking care of the baby if I can, and just remember that this is a transition for all of us! It’s hard though- I definitely have days where my patience runs out…

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      Every parent has those days. I think they come more when you might not be getting enough sleep, like when you’re caring for a newborn! You’re doing a great job 🙂

      -Ashley

  7. I love the Daniel Tiger quote! It totally works, too! I have found sensory bottles to be really helpful with my toddler, but actually…they are really helpful for me, too! You shake up and let out your aggression/frustration like you mentioned with the pillow and then just watch it all fall away. It really works!

  8. These are great tips! It sounds like you have a good start to dealing with your little guy. My kiddo is 3.5 and the full on threenager is in effect. Some days are better than others. He knows when I yell, that he’s reach my max and he’s in trouble. I have been trying to work on staying calm and helping him understand that he needs to listen the first time. Being diligent and consistent is the most important thing I’ve found. I can say that I practice all of these tips probably on a daily basis. You’re doing a great job mama!

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      I’m only in the beginning on these tantrums, but it’s my hope with practice when he’s a threenager I’ll be patient! I’ll let you know in two years how that’s working out LOL

      -Ashley

  9. These are really great tips that all moms need to read. There are so many days that can feel overwhelming and It helps to read a post like this! Thanks!

  10. Awesome ladies! I have a three and a half month old baby here at home. It takes me hours, at least 4, to get my baby to sleep and when she does fall asleep, it’s at 2 in the morning when I have to work at 7. It’s really tough and pretty much every night I get super frustrated and tend to lose my cool when she won’t stop crying after I’ve done everything. These are great tips and tricks you ladies gave. I will be putting them in effect. Thank you
    -Kelsea

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      Those early months are so much about survival and it REALLY sucks that we have to go back to work SO SOON. I hope your little girl starts sleeping soon. You’re doing terrific.

  11. Thank you for the great advice!! As being a young mom quickly to three kids and a full time working mom and wife to a US Marine, I tend to lose my cool. Our kids are 6,3, and 3 weeks old. The oldest is my stepson whose behavior has been out of control, so it’s been very rough recently.

    Thank you again!

    1. Ashley @ Spit Up and Sit Ups

      You have your hands full, mama! We’re strong moms and we can get through any storm. I hope the behavior changes, but you’re doing great.

  12. Such a great read, Ashley! Patience is seriously one of my biggest struggles – toddlers definitely know how to test that! But, practicing empathy is totally my way to help myself see things in perspective. Yes, it may not seem like a big deal to me, but my world is soooo much larger than my 2-year-old’s, and sometimes I have to stop and understand, it’s a big deal to HIM. Thanks so much for the reminder <3

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  14. Great advice! I totally agree with taking a deep breath to calm down before responding by reflex… I try to remind myself of a quote “A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regrets”. So often we lose our patience easily with the little ones when we are tired after a day’s work, only to end up feeling bad and having to mend the relationship and hurt feelings which really isn’t worth it.

    Practicing empathy, seeing things in their perspective and helping to validate their feelings are also very important. Sometimes it’s so easy to forget that they are still so young… a lot of things that may seem small to us can be a big deal for them. Thanks for the timely reminder!

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  16. Hi
    I have a 23 month old little boy and every one that is around him tells me how well behaved he is but I am a stay at home mom and I am having a hard time seeing it. I lose my patents alot with him and I feel like all I do all day is yell and say no. I love my son so much but I am having a hard time communicating with him. I think my expectations are to high and I become fusterated when he doesn’t understand. I just need help
    Thanks

    1. Oh Audra. We’ve all been there. We have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. Recognizing you want to change how you respond to him and making a game plan will be your first step. It’s so hard when they can’t use their words yet. I think instead of saying no, try redirection and direct him to play with a different toy or to a different room.

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  18. This was such a great read and definitely something I needed to hear today! I am really struggling with patience and especially empathy with my toddler. My girls are 11 months apart so it makes it really difficult trying to tend to both of their needs at the same time. I am trying to work on myself and this definitely helped put things into perspective a little more!

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